“Well, fancy seeing you here,” I tell myself in the mirror. There’s less than a month until I turn the big 3-0, but I somehow expected to see a whole new woman staring back at me!
For sure, though, I’m not the same bright-eyed, bushy-tailed girl I used to be – I don’t feel like her, anyway. Admittedly, it takes me a couple more sweeps of under eye concealer (among other things) to get that ironicly not-so-effortless “I woke up like this” look.
But beyond that, as I overanalyze my fleeting youth and the time I have left to become the elusive woman I want to be, what strikes me the most is…I still give so many f—s about everything!
For sure, at 30, I thought I’d be way more self assured and confident. The whole “wisdom comes with age” thing, right?!
Michelle, is this going to be another post about being disappointed with life? Snore.
No, it’s about giving too many f—s, haha.
Looking back, I wish I could tell my early-20s self, “Damn girl, you got this, just walk up and say anything. Do something. Make a noise.”
Why was I so self-conscious!? I literally paralyzed myself.
I wish I took more adventures, skipped town, went hard for that job I was under-qualified for, stood up to that douche, slapped that bitch – okay, maybe not that.
But, I should have fought with myself – for myself.
Even now, I know I still second guess the leaps I want to take, the moves I want to make (rhyme crime, haha). Kidding aside, it’s hard to shake that immature, pervasive fear of failure, judgement, humiliation.
But, here’s another nugget of motivation. Turns out, no one cares about you – in a good way.
As in no one cares enough to make you so self-conscious that it prevents you from doing what you want.
So, back to the point.
If being 20 is about taking chances to find ourselves, maybe our 30’s are more about knowing who we’ve become, doing honest self-reflection – and correction.
Turns out my “knowing” is that I’m my own worst enemy. Yay, I figured it out.
So cheers to 30, being good to yourself (because you still fly!) and working it.
Because basically, what Dr. Seuss said was true:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
I’m going to put this out there too so I feel a sense of public accountability (and shame is a great motivator because who wants to be a hypocrite)! My goal at 30 is to finally do videos for my blog! It’s now or never, right? No more letting insecurity cast a shadow on my decisions…or waiting to lose that last five pounds, haha.
Are you feeling that almost-30 anxiety? Those on the flip side, did you have any profound revelations, or did 30 just happen? Did you make new life goals? Was this post so cliche? #ramblings, haha.
Feel free to share in the comments!